That Floating Excrement Was Far Too Meaningful! These Are the Television Disappointments of the Year.

As we consider the television offerings of the recent year, a selection of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular shortcomings. Ranging from awkward spin-offs to confusingly bad documentaries, here are the productions that left us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this love/hate spin-off? Burdened with dreadful scripts, painful arcs (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series fought to justify its existence. For a moment, as the final season began, it seemed as if it had finally hit its stride. Then arrived an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator announced this would be the final series. It ended on a bum note; the lingering shot of Miranda’s loo full of poo was simply too symbolic. Still, viewers undeniably found joy picking apart every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a small sob?

All’s Fair

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was almost the least of this show's problems. The subject of a very rare zero star assessment, it was difficult to know where to start enumerating the flaws. The hilariously leaden writing? The mind-numbing veneration of affluence and materialism? The almost wilful parade of cliches? Performances so bad they felt almost spiteful? Suffice it to say “all of the above” and never speak of this series again. Except, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Given the legal troubles, abuse allegations and fatherly failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d truly have known it from this three-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive hedonism while struggling to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any pity this show might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charming but dismissive egotist.

The Iris Affair

Of course we knew it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.

The Gangster Drama

Shady characters meeting in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.

Actually, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to indulge unconvincing dialects. But there were plenty of other problems. Primarily that it was just really dull; a dispute over drug-selling territory between various London rogues which seemed a bit basic.

With Love, Meghan

Considering the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain performatively enraged commentators, it’s almost easy to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s various forays into twee lifestyle as deliberate provocations. But then you watch them and are compelled to admit that in this case, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue come to life; a poster for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark platitudes and forgettable crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All supported by immense, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are obviously interesting things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, identity, self-worth. But for some reason, this documentary series opted not to say them. Rather, the experience was like consuming a sales brochure. She obviously has good reason to bridle at what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any helps with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Inheritance

It had the potential to be the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a well-known personality managing her estate. What more could you want? As players competed, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too confusing to detail what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up smelling of a production that was straining desperately to emulate something way beyond it.

Too Much

How does one follow a show that captured a generation? The pressure was immense for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a shattered romance. The star seized the opportunity by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of famous cameos involved felt icky.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the smart inclusion of gifted younger comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a single joke milked to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known ranting mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be handled sensitively. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lurching from oddly jaunty, slightly stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Complex? Arguably. A complete mess? Absolutely.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We love the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could ruin society? Nope! This international thriller about government agencies spying on – and killing off – intellectuals frankly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This uncritical portrait followed the online personality notorious for sexual escapades as she undertook her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we wanted was way more interrogation of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who showed up to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and zero critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.