Should My Wannabe Influencer Pal Stop Using Me for Material?

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my version of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?