A Guide to Speak Dating Like a Generation Z: Fifty-One Hyperspecific Words for Love, Intimacy and Bad Behaviour

This year represents a full decade since the term “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. Initially, the notion that someone could suddenly stop contact with a lover without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, finding a partner has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes pointless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online lingo.

Zoomers, a demographic who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated challenge on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their millennial predecessors could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive breakdown to the terms this generation is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most popular memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

A

Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's response is inquisitive or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Support test – This refers to choosing someone who supports you proactively. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A date where two people connect while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie excess, it refers to couples who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: utilizing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Signals

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks signaling a prospective partner is bad news. For instance calling their former partners crazy, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions affirm your choice to pursue a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, mostly harmless quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that instantly shut down any feelings of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet display.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {